Foodiesphere: BBQ Chickpea Burgers

Most people who talk about food are insufferable. Yet the many and most adore cooking shows, cookbooks, the Food Network, and gushing over food porn. A vast portion of Instagram and Pinterest is devoted to pictures of food. 

Game Day Fantasy Carls Jr3 Meat Parade   Carl’s Jr. still selling with food porn

I don’t care about food. The main reasoning being, I don’t care for eating. Since I was roughly 8 years-old, I’ve found eating to be a burden. So much so, I actually get a little bit angry at the human condition. The fact that I am a slave to ingesting whatnot and eternally plagued by the result (shitting), I find revolting. I’m philosophically opposed to food.

Having said that, I’ve begun cooking.

Why? As a house-spouse, it’s my job to make sure that when my wife comes home from her office/lab/museum that she doesn’t have to spend another hour or two deciding what to make for dinner, then making it. I realize that if left to my own devices I would still be eating what I did from college to adulthood–coffee, cigarettes, beer, pizza, pints of ice cream, bag of chips, etc.

I’ve discovered that I have certain tendencies–I don’t want to spend more than 20 minutes in prep, I don’t want anything that takes more than 45 minutes to cook and serve, I’m terrible at pan frying and fly into a rage trying to do it, handling raw meat revolts me, and I hate making tons of dishes.

In an attempt to be healthy, I’ve actually become rather adept at creating fairly good tasting, cheap, and healthy food. So I’ve decided to give into the foodiesphere.

Here’s my first recipe I’d like to share. It’s the newest (I made it today) and perhaps the healthiest.

BBQ Chickpea Burgers

Like most recipes of mine, this is modified. I can’t stand vegans (at least when they talk about being vegan) but there are some great vegan recipes out there that can easily be altered to be real people food.



can of chickpeas/garbanzo beans

1/4 cup sunflower seeds

1/4 cup flax seeds

1/4 sesame seeds

2 eggs

2 cloves of garlic

1 red pepper

1/2 red onion

1 carrot (or about 12 baby carrots)

1 cup of BBQ sauce

1-1.5 cups of Panko


Step 1: Finely chop the garlic, pepper, onion, carrot, and chickpeas. I used a small food processor. You want it to look kinda goopy and it will be wet. I did the veg first, put it into a large bowl, and then did the chickpeas second mixing the two together in the bowl.

Step 2: Once the veg and chickpeas are well mixed, throw in the BBQ sauce, Panko, eggs, and seeds. Mix these all together. Add more Panko (or breadcrumbs) if you feel you need to thicken it.

Step 3: I have an old George Foreman grill that I use for burgers because I don’t have an outdoor grill and I despise pan frying. Roll up the mixture into balls only slightly larger than a golf ball. Plop them down on the grill and let them flatten and cook. Maybe 3-5 minutes for each group or until they’re nice and brown on the outside.

You could probably bake these in an oven as well. Guess would be 350 degrees on a cookie sheet lined with aluminum foil for 15-25 minutes flipping them at least once so they’re brown on both sides.

This is what my veggie burgers came out looking

This should make between 10-15 patties. I would estimate the prep time at around 15 minutes & the cook time at between 20-25. I found eating three to be very filling.

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